Human Deep
by Beast of Honor
Summary: Prof. Snape's remembrance on an encounter, while grading schoolwork. PG13 for Adult Situations. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters. What I do own, is this story. Plagiarism is awful, don't do it.

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Human **Deep   
**by lushKiller

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_Relieve me. Rescue me from the everyday; the mundane. Morning light burns my eyes, but the pain isn't as much as the stinging my heart feels at night. Unbearable, so much so that I sometimes fall asleep with my head slung over the toilet spewing out all that is there; raw bitter nothing- ness. Hurt me. Enough so I can know whether or not I am still alive enough to feel. Throw me away, so I won't forget where I'm from._  
  
Snape buried his face into his hands. His thoughts were once again clouded by a black fog. His class had been dismissed no more than 5 minutes ago. Despite harshly scolding a few late students for quite some time, he couldn't wait to get everyone and everything out of his way. And he collapsed. He sat at his desk, trying to grade a few notes, numerous pages of class work, but he couldn't seem to focus.  
  
_She was here. Nox. Goddess of night. She touched me, and though I refused to stand, she forced me to. And she spoke to me. Said I was beautiful and stroked the hair away from my eyes. I don't think she ever once looked at me. Despite her numerous visits, I couldn't recall the color of her eyes if I wanted to because she always left when I asked. Why trust something so simple? Disgusting. I didn't ask her to leave this time, I told her to. Demanded. I couldn't care less about this sort of childish love-trifle. And her compliments didn't mean much, only flew over my head like the dark skies I wander under day-by-day._  
  
The gentle ticking of the desk clock in front of him was incessant and powerful. He could hear life's minutes being wasted by his constant absent- mindedness. He picked up his pen once more and scribbled a few abrasive comments on a student's exam before tossing it to the corner of the table.  
  
_In spite of the anger that was circling around me, she still stood there. Stared, though never directly and finally reached to touch, to embrace. I stepped back a bit and grabbed her by her shoulders.  
  
"If you don't leave now, you will be removed from my classroom with much force!"  
  
And she smiled. She laughed. Murmured a few words to keep me wondering. Spoke loudly, and confident. Sounded like nothing more than confessions of a lost little human in love. Silly muggle-speak. We stood there for quite some time not saying much, and when I finally grabbed her by the arm and began pulling her towards the exit, she slapped me in the face with her free hand.  
  
No sounds, sans the thick ruffling of the nearby torches' hot flames. Frozen in my tracks, I roughly turned this woman to face me. Hands grasping both arms like a misbehaving child, I shook her as I spoke.  
  
"You are to never set foot in Hogwart's again! And if for some crazy reason you decide to return, I will see to it that your visit isn't as pleasant!"  
  
And with that, she came forward and kissed me. Almost like instinct, I pushed her away. We stared each other down and instantly came lunging towards one another once more. Soft lips against me, so pleasurable, it almost hurt. Each kiss was different, enough to knock me down. A lot came easily; she fought me into my chair and savagely crawled into my lap. And I stripped everything away from her. I didn't care who this woman was.  
  
She'd occasionaly place my hands over her milky breasts, blew her hot breath into my ear which made my cold body shiver, and said "Severus", the gentle "s" sounds lingering on her lips until her next moan or gasp.  
  
_The dark man suddenly twitched out a small smile at the remembrance, but it quickly faded and he continued scribbling on sheets of white, his eyes intent. A million different things he can be thinking of.  
  
_We continued like this for a bit longer. Her body rocking over mine. I even know that she held my hand. And there was clarity, so many different things I could see. The life I had been living was still there, however when I looked at my shadow, I can see hers beside mine. When I walked, she held onto my arm. A possession, what a pleasant dream. Belonging, to someone, anything. Sweet, sweet cherish. If she were to stay with me, could routine be more beautiful? We were frozen in time, not feeling anything more than simply believing it was real._  
  
_I couldn't understand much of what she was saying. My body was still there, though my mind and heart were off wading in curls of sunshine. With my eyes closed, I rested my head against the back of the chair and continued to feel this surge of hope rush over me. And I could feel myself smiling. Was it love? Lust? Was this happiness, or just the sheer relief and comfort of one's own touch? I could've sat there and questioned it forever.  
  
"Don't let this end." I told her.  
  
Alas I opened my eyes and tried to look at her. And though her form was there, she had no face. She was pure white. She was forever. She was love. And she was gone.  
  
I fell to my knees. I couldn't breathe. I tried to grab her before she had vansished, but that was near impossible. I fell into flames. The heat rose up around my body, leaving the remains of my post-coital bliss as nothing but shaken and charred.  
  
_Snape paused in his constant criticism of the children's school work, and just sat in a moment of silence. A moment of thought. Confused, hurt and left stripped of raw human emotion and tenderness, he tightly crossed his arms as though to shelter his own being from the world. The outside. The clock was still quietly working away, ticking and ticking. 2 minutes gone. Snape wrapped his cold fingers around the small trinket and brutishly threw it to the corner of the room, it's crying shatter painful, though distant. Time only reminded him that he was still here. Mundane. Routine. Still Snape.  
  
_I knew she was dreamt up, though whether I wanted to believe that or not was an entirely different question. Or could she have been real? Are my mind and my memories that muddled that I can't tell fact from fiction? Will I touch love again, sleep with lust? Nox. I'll be praying for the night, perhaps I can sleep in my bed rather than over in my lavatory._  
  
Reaching for yet another exam on an endless stack of notes, Severus quickly looked it over, marked it and reached for the next. He worked quickly, efficiently. No one could see what was troubling him. He was himself. Harsh. Cruel. Arrogant. He smirked at a child's dreamt of concoction of a love potion and failed her saying there was "no such thing".  
  
Suddenly, the entrance door to his classroom quietly opened. Snape looked up from his work quickly, expecting to see the form before him again. His heart pulsated hard through his chest. So hard that if it was to get more rapid, he wouldn't be able to breathe. It was a delayed entrance. Finally a student ran in, retrieved his forgotten textbook on his desk, gave an apology and quickly and fearfully excited.  
  
Severus let out a deep sigh of disappointment, slumped once again in his chair and set down his pen. He buried his face in his hands once more.  
  
_Love is barren. Reaching out for contact is pointless, I'll only get lost. As it is, I am dizzy. I know where I am, though not where my thoughts have gone. I am not sure if I can experience bliss once more, even if it's only in dreams. However, there are always going to be two things that I can depend on.  
  
I know I can always endure in the humorous, ridiculous theories those have about me. The venomous, bitter one.  
  
And tomorrow, I know that the morning sunlight is going to burn my eyes once more._

**The End**

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lushKiller 2004

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